Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
