new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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