A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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