8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
