When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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