How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
