your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
