I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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