So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
