Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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