If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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