When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
