I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
