just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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