I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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