I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
