What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
