Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
