I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
