my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
