it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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