i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
