You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
