A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
