We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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