I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
