i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
