I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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