What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
