I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those š
You told him he ācould park his dick in your garageā.
Well he didnāt. It shouldnāt be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
