She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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