your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
