so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
