Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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