In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
