So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
how does that bad decision feel?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
