Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
