dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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