3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
