32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
