He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
