I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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