Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
