Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
