It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
