There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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