On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
