if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
People in love make me want to vomit
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
