so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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