my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
