I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How drunk are you?
Completed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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