I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
