my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
