I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
