Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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