Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
