My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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