You work out of a Hotel?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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