Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
