I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
