I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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