The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
