i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
