Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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