the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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