Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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