Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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