And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize