I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
